Raise your hand if you struggle with self-discipline. Yep, that’s what I thought. I am not alone in this particular area of life. January tends to highlight all of those “I should be’s.” Often, we don’t follow through on them. This isn’t just about diet and exercise though. It is about following through on the small habits. These small habits create the big habits. The big habits achieve the giant goals. Woo! I just got a jolt of excitement right there! Let’s kick this journey of self-discipline with the tale of 2024.

I Finally Walked Away

Last year, on Mother’s Day, my failing marriage took its last breath and I finally walked away. I was indifferent to the person but I mourned the 20 years of life that was no longer. My choices are my own and I own them all, no regrets. I still had to feel the death of it all though, to move forward. I struggled with the feelings of failure, internal judgment, and fear. How was I supposed to pick myself up after this even though I knew it was coming? I found very quickly that it was with tiny movements and a TON of faith that would move me forward.  

Simplify & Small Habits

I had to continue to run a business while hitting the reset button. I called my friend Robyn and got great advice. Simplify. Robyn knew that I was…am…a person that piles on. I was running a business in two locations and volunteering in the community. She encouraged me to pair my life down to the nitty-gritty and give myself space to see next steps. Again, great advice. So, within a couple of months, I left my old life. I moved out of my building, my Caldwell location, and even my adopted hometown. Clean slate. A clean slate can sometimes translate into imbalance and broken routines.

I was in my new townhouse and my upholstery “shop” was set up in the garage. I encouraged a routine through some small steps. I put my kitchen and bedroom together to promote meal planning and good sleep. I then spent a little time writing down the small things I did when I had a storefront. That led to implementing some of those small things, like sweeping the front step and having a desk set up to pay bills and conduct business, into my new work/live space. When life has been interrupted it is these small things that give balance. It was hard and I felt so very alone a lot of the time but God was not without His plans for me.

Communication Is Key

My then friend and now fiance, Dean, was placed in my life along with my middle daughter Emry to help me through. (If you are wondering who Dean is, I will share that in another post.) My daughter knows how to handle me when my anxiety is too high. She understands what I need to help me calm down and focus. Dean knows how to be a calm, stable and safe support. He listens without judgment or even comment in some cases. These supports helped me continue my small habit of breathing through anxiety. I slowly added the bigger habit of open communication. The goal is to not feel overwhelmed while you are overcoming stress.

Life was moving again. I had made the heavy decision to put my building up for sale. The divorce had come through with minimal issues and my three kids were all supportive of my new endeavors. The hardest thing I faced was accepting not seeing my son every day. Talk about feeling like a failure! My boy had made the decision to stay in Weiser with his dad and I supported it. I wanted him with me but knew this was the better choice. That is where the logic ended and emotional meltdowns began.

Was I allowed to leave my child? I had been there for him at every turn for his entire life so far. Who was going to judge me for not being a full-time parent to my child with Spina Bifida? Was my son going to resent me and our strong bond fail? Yeah, this is where those tiny habits like taking a deep breath when you’re spiraling came in handy. My bigger habit was to keep those lines of communication wide open. To talk to my son. Fear is an overwhelming feeling but can be tampened with the simple act of sharing. Ethan is feeling more independent, in control of his own health and happily working at Weiser Candy. We talk multiple times a week and see each other on a regular basis. Small steps for the win!

Finding A Balance

There is so much more to that story but this is about habits and self-discipline if I remember correctly. I knew I needed to continue my journey with balance and that I was going to need help. Last fall I joined a community-based program called Optavia through the encouragement of my now mentor, T.J. Goade. I am 3 months in and have lost some weight. This is always good. More than that, I am learning how to move with life better. I had done some damage to my body with all the compartmentalized stress. Through this program I am healing at a pretty decent rate. I am learning to respond to tough situations with communication and self-awareness. Though practice, I am much better about asking for help when life is too hard. I don’t hide my troubles in fear that they will be ridiculed or blown-off. I talk them out with either my coach or Dean. I have also learned it is important to sleep instead of eat when I am tired. I have gone through quite a few years of hard things and my body needs the rest. My mind and emotions need space to heal. This life of mine is a gift and so stinking wonderful! I want to enjoy it with all of me!

Finding balance and overcoming stress through self-discpline has definitely been a journey. I take small steps daily, including the habit of celebrating my wins. Wins are whatever you’ve done in the day that took towards a healthier, balanced life. I find myself looking at those small habit wins a lot! Self-discipline is all about the long game and it takes practice. Below are a few habits I use, I hope they are helpful to you as well. If you want to know more about Optavia then please reach out! One of my big goals is to become a coach!

Habits For Health:

• Small habits:
  • to breathe out anxiety
  • drink plenty of water daily
  • get some movement in
  • eat as well as I can on any given day.
• Bigger habits:
  • to put movement and meals into practice daily
  • celebrate the win instead of judging myself for the failure.
• Communicate, smile, be aware, and give grace.

Thanks for spending this time with me. I hope to see you again for my next post: How Finding My Person Changed My Life.