We are talking about two things that affect our everyday decision-making skills. I have been accused of being both naive and an over-thinker. Both of those things have led me to have a very specific way of seeing the world around me though. Let me tell you some stories and see where we end up!

Naive (noun) definition: showing lack of experience, wisdom, or judgement.

My first memorable experience with being told I was naive happened at the age of 25. My son was 5 weeks old he had to have a shunt put in his head for something called Hydrocephalus. Basically, the water produced around his brain did not have the ability to move through to his body, putting pressure on the brain and causing his skull to separate. After he got his shunt put in we had regular checkups with his Neurosurgeon to monitor progress and health. At one visit I was told that Ethan should be the poster child for shunt babies. I didn’t understand what she meant so she told me that most babies that have shunts put in end up with a flat part on there head and have to wear a helmet to help even it back out. This happened because the parents wouldn’t lay them on the side with the shunt in for fear of something going wrong. It had just never occurred to me to do that. I didn’t mean to sound naive or be naive but I don’t tend to be a fearful person either. Don’t get me wrong, there was plenty that scared me about having a child with a severe form of Spina Bifida but I watched him like a hawk and trusted my instincts.

I definitely showed a lack of experience and wisdom but as evidenced by the doctor and nurse, I was not lacking judgement. In this scenario, being naive could be perceived as a good thing.

When to open an upholstery business I was very naive in the way of actually running a business. For the first few years all I knew was that work had to come in to get paid. I didn’t account for the 10,000 other things I would need to do to run a business. That lack of knowledge and wisdom did lead to some moments of faulty judgement. I saw it for what it was though, and educated myself moving forward. Now let’s jump over to the other side of things and see what overthinking does.

Overthinking (verb) definition: think about something too much or for too long.

I often refer to this as may super power. Awful, I know. I think I do this the most in my relationship. For reasons I won’t go into here I learned to be a people pleaser at a young age. It has gotten me into more trouble than I care to admit and it has caused me to develop some not-so-great habits. Example: when my fiance does something innocuous, like pulling the covers up on his side of the bed but leaving mine. In my previous marriage that meant the other party was mad at me and I was being punished. Here it meant the he was not awake yet and did it out of habit as he blindly shuffled to the shower. I went directly into overthinking mode, made the bed, and then got upset at him for what amounted to nothing. What can I say, I’m learning.

All was well but I allowed the emotion of the situation to cloud my judgement and made things worse by overthinking it.

Now, there are times when I way my pros and cons on a decision much longer than I need to. A career change for instance. I knew that upholstery was not something I wanted to continue on with but couldn’t make the decision between design or real estate. It took me a month to make that decision when it could have been done in a week. I was a “jump with both feet” kind of girl for a long time. Age and experience has tempered that a bit but generally I can make a decision and go. This time I got stuck on the fact that I knew a career change was in order, I just wasn’t emotionally ready for it yet. Do you see the common the denominator in these two stories? (Answer: emotion)

The Takeaway

Looking back, I would say I’ve done most of my overthinking when it came to emotionally charged issues. I still have a hard time understanding that when I am in a heightened emotional state I should stop making decisions altogether. At least until I can engage my logical thinking skills. That ever happen to you?

I love the life I have had and am still creating despite both of these things. I have a healthy, responsible son who does not let fear lead him (too often) when it comes to his disability. I have been able to take emotion out of plenty of scenarios where logic serves me better. I even learned how to teach that to my kids. My socials are full of happy, uplifting, creative stories/people and I don’t watch the news. Does that make me naive or just me making a conscious effort to be happy. Hmmm….

A Quick Tip

Ways to combat over-thinking (because being naive is solvable by educating yourself, not an emotionally driven state):

• when you feel yourself start to spiral take 3 deep breaths to calm down
• literally hold out your hands and pretend emotion is sitting in one of them. Take it and put it in the other hand then put that hand behind your back. You just, in a very literal way, put the emotion away leaving only the logical stuff to deal with.
• reach out to a trusted friend or family member and verbally process! Talk. It. Out.
• sleep on it. Rest always brings good council.

I hope this helped and as always, thank you for being a part of this journey of mine!